An angel!

This post will go down in my history as the hardest post to write, to date.
Is also one that I wish none has to write or even experience in one bit.
Is the one I have no words for, the one I have no idea how to start or even end.
It is truly any family's worst nightmare.

Many of you don't know this but I have a home daycare. That's my full-time job and is one I enjoy and love. I have been taking care of kids for most of my life, starting in our church's nursery,  to daycare job that inspired me to open my own daycare.

When we bought our house in 2012, we converted our garage into a play room and have never looked back. After having Bella my job become more and more convenient and Bella loves that she has so many friends on a daily basis.  I would even say that she gets a little sad on weekends when we stay in and she is by herself.

We work with 9 kids plus Bella and there are difficult days and very easy days, but each one of the kids has a very special place in my heart. I love them all. I love their quirks, craziness, and silliness. I'm a doctor that kisses boo-boo to make them better, I'm an artist who draws the perfect (in their eyes) kitty or rainbow, the cook that cooks their yummy meals (not every day lol), but most of all I'm their daycare mom.

Just like I did with my own daughter, I feed them, changed their diaper, potty train many. I have watched them learn to crawl, walk, teeth and much more. I spend my days with them. 12-8 hours a day I'm with them. Five days a week. Playing, screaming, singing and teaching.

So when I got the call on NYE that one of those kids, my kids, my babies had passed away in their sleep my heart sank.  I don't have the words to express what I'm feeling, the pain my heart has and the fact that I can't find a way out of this horrible nightmare. (Name or pictures have not been included; Daycare Regulations)

This is something none should ever have to go through.

My mama heart aches.

For the past 2 days, I have been surrounded by prayers, bible verses, and hugs from my husband and family. As hard as it is does life continues. As broken as I am now, I know God has a plan and a purpose for this. I know He is my strength and my everlasting rock.
And it's my turn to be that pass that strength to others and even more to pass God's word.

Even though I haven't fully processed what happened or even how it happened I have to be strong. As a mom I know that mom needs someone next to her that's strong, that knows exactly what she is going through but none the less a strong shoulder. My kids tomorrow will also need a strong teacher, a strong mother, and doctor. The people around me on a daily basis also need me to be strong.

Like everything in this world God has an answer and through this He will also show me an answer and strengthen me once again.

So to my sweet angel in heaven, I love you babe, with all my heart, and I will forever remember you.
You have taught me one very important thing and that is to live every moment and love every second. To enjoy my time as a mom and daycare mom, to ignore the rules more often than not, to forget schedules, to kiss more and love more.
I thank God that I got to meet you, to love you and care for you. You were truly an angel.

Aside from a very sad post, I hope this post inspires you too. To love more, to be more present, and to ignore the mess and just love.

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